Light in the Darkness

Well I'm not really sure exactly what I want to call this post yet, or really where it's going to go...but here we go.

So this morning my mom and I were talking about how everything that's been going on has caused us to lose our security. For me it's made it difficult for me to leave the house and my mom especially. I'm alright when I go to work and stuff, but once I get home I don't want to leave her side. It's very hard for me to be without her. I feel like I did when I was a kid and I would just get so homesick that it would make me PHYSICALLY sick. It's just made life a lot harder than it needs to be. Luckily I think I'm starting to turn around with that. I still want to be home all the time, but at least I'm willing to go out and do a few things. Today I'm going to church with my cousin Courtney to hopefully start meeting new people and make a few more friends. But anyway, my security is still pretty low.

Also, a lot of things break your heart easier because your heart is already broken. One of my friends has recently left the church and decided to become an atheist. That's been really hard to hear and quite heartbreaking to know that he not only left the church but God too. Laura was in seminary a few days ago and they were doing a "getting to know you" kind of a thing. So this one kid got up and Laura asked, "Did you used to do wrestling or something like that?" after he said that he really liked sports. He responded, "Well yeah I used to wrestle all the time. But then my parents got divorced and I had to quit wrestling and start working." How sad is that?! He had to give up something he loved because of something that wasn't even his fault. I don't know if he had to start helping to support his family, but it's still incredibly sad. Before I found out my parents were getting divorced I used to feel bad for people who would talk about that but I never realized the pain and suffering that were behind the words "my parents are getting a divorce." It's just tragic when innocent people get hurt and their lives are forced to change, for the worse temporarily. I'm sure we'll get used to it and it won't hurt as bad after a while, but I didn't want this change. No one does. I never thought it would happen to my family, and anyone that knows my family will tell you the same thing. It's also sad to hear how frequent it is now. At Laura's job, most of the people she works with have divorced parents. How horrible! It's so sad to know that so many people have had to suffer like this. It isn't fair, but that's life I suppose.

Anyway, most days are better than others, but I had a rough morning this morning. I've been having a lot of bad dreams lately that make me feel insecure, scared, angry, depressed, and they remind me that that's how I feel. Last night my mom and I were talking about how when I was born I almost died and she didn't get to hold me until I was 10 days old. We cried together because it was so sad what she and my family had to go through. My mom said there were tubes all over me and it was just a sad thing to see. They thought I was going to be deaf, dumb, blind, etc., but I turned out alright. It just proves to me that I must be here for a reason and that I've got a special mission. So anyway, last night I had a dream that I was telling my friends Thomas about what was going on and my dad heard me talking to him. After Thomas left he got really mad at me and started telling me that he hated me and that he wished I would have died instead of lived when I was a baby. I must have been crying in my sleep because I woke up with my eyes practically glued shut and my face salty. Now, I know that that would never happen and I know that my dad loves me. But it just shows that I have a lot of insecurities right now. I know it was just a dream, but it sliced my already broken heart and I could barely take it. Even in a dream it's hard to hear someone you love tell you that they wish you were dead. Again, I know this isn't true, but my dreams seem so real. I'm still crying about it while I'm typing this. I'm just a lot more sensitive to things with all this stuff going on.

So as I'm sitting here having a bad day, it's hard not to question why I have to go through this? I did nothing to deserve what's going on. Why does my life have to be torn apart, even when I'm living righteously? This is a common problem for people who have left the church, and I'm glad that this isn't a problem with me. I know I touched a little bit on it in my last entry, but let me expound on why trials are important.

A few days ago in my scripture reading I was reading about the brother of Jared. The Lord is telling him that he and his family will have to cross the ocean to come to the promised land. In Ether 2:25 it says, "And behold, I prepare you against these things; for ye cannot cross this great deep save I prepare you against the waves of the sea, and the winds which have gone forth, and the floods which shall come." To me that just shows that the Lord knows the journey will be extremely difficult, but he also knows that it will be impossible to do without his help. He knows that the important thing to do is for the brother of Jared and his family to turn to the Lord and rely on him fro strength and guidance. I really feel like that is what my family and I need to do, and it's something that I've been doing already. When my burden becomes too heavy I call upon the Lord and pray to Heavenly Father. He knows that some days I just can't take it anymore, and that I need his help to take some of the pain and heaviness away from me. He knows what I'm going through and he knows that I need his help. I feel like the Savior is just waiting for me to call on him for help because he knows how much it hurts and how much I need the help. Sometimes it's hard to humble yourself to accept help and not to think, "Well I can do this on my own. I don't really need a blessing or anything; it's not THAT bad right now. I can just do this. I'll save up the help for when I REALLY need it and things get REALLY bad." Throughout my life I've caught myself thinking that, and this trial has been an opportunity for me to snap out of that thinking and realize that life doesn't have to be as hard as I think it is. The Savior suffered for my sins AND my sorrows. If I don't take advantage of that, it's like he suffered needlessly. He bled and died for me, so why shouldn't I take advantage of the fact that he has been in my shoes and knows how much pain I'm going through? It really all boils down to pride, and I find myself being humbled again and again.

It's been amazing to see how many people care for me and my family and offer their help. I've seen people that I wouldn't consider my best of friends jump up to the plate and become some of my biggest help. It's also been interesting to see who I turn to for help. Some people I thought I was great friends with I haven't even told what's going on, or even seen them for over a month. This trial has shown me how many people my family and I have touched, and that touches me in return. It's also easy to see who wants to try to talk to us just to get some gossip and who wants to talk to us because they genuinely care and are concerned. I feel so humbled to know how many people are willing to listen or even just pray for me when there's not much else they can do. I feel the strength from their prayers every day. It's also humbling when countless neighbors and friends have told us that they've been putting our names in the temple. The people at the temple must be thinking, "Who are these Cottrells?!" Haha. But I really do appreciate all the help and support. There's a book called The Five Love Languages for Singles and my primary love languages are acts of service, quality time, and gifts; so when people do those things that's when I feel the most loved. So with all this pain it's amazing how much I feel loved as well. So many friends have wanted to take me to lunch or to a movie or anywhere and it just touches my heart that they care so much. My birthday is coming up, and I have honestly not been looking forward to it at times because I want to be happy on my birthday and I haven't been sure if that's possible or not. But people have done so many things already to try to help me have a happy birthday that it just astounds me. My coworker took my shift so that I wouldn't have to work on my birthday. My grandparents are taking me out to lunch and then my mom and I are going to go watch a movie. Etc., etc., etc. The kindness and love just never ends, and it has truly been a miracle to witness that.

Ok, I feel like this is long enough, so let me end with a scripture of hope. In Ether 6, the brother of Jared and his family launch their "barges" and get ready to head towards the promised land. Let me share a few verses with you that tell me the Lord is looking out for me and will not leave me alone (Italics are added as emphasis)

3 "And thus the Lord caused stones to shine in darkness, to give light unto men, women, and children, that they might not cross the great waters in darkness."

(6-12) "And it came to pass that they were many times buried in the depths of the sea, because of the mountain waves which broke upon them, and also the great and terrible tempests which were caused by the fierceness of the wind.

"And it came to pass that when they were buried in the deep there was no water that could hurt them, their vessels being tight like unto a dish, and also they were tight like unto the ark of Noah; therefore when they were encompassed about by many waters they did cry unto the Lord, and he did bring them forth again upon the top of the waters.

"And it came to pass that the wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land while they were upon the waters; and thus they were driven forth by the wind.

"And they did sing praises unto the Lord; yea, the brother of Jared did sing praises unto the Lord, and he did thank and praise the Lord all the day long; and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord.

"And thus they were driven forth; and no monster of the sea could break them, neither whale that could mar them; and they did have light continually, whether it was above the water or under the water.

"And thus they were driven forth, three hundred and forty and four days upon the water.

"And they did land upon the shore of the promised land. And when they had set their feet upon the shores of the promised land they bowed themselves down upon the face of the land, and did humble themselves before the Lord, and did shed tears of joy before the Lord, because of the multitude of his tender mercies over them."

I feel like I am on the sea, traveling towards a better place and many great blessings. The Lord always blesses the faithful and the innocent. I also feel like sometimes I am under the water in need of fresh air and there is no possible way that I can get to the surface. But when I pray to Heavenly Father he brings me up to the surface to I can catch my breath and see the sun for a little while. But even when I am above the water I am still subject to the tempests and winds of this trial; I'm still suffering but I'm heading towards the promised land. I also found it interesting that in verse 8 it says that the winds didn't cease to blow upon them, but the winds were actually the things that were blowing them towards the promised land. So without our trials there is no way for us a get to the promised land. But even when I am suffering sometimes beyond what I feel I can bear, the Lord is still with me and brings his continuous light. Even in the darkness when I am under the water and nearly suffocating the Savior still brings his light to light up my boat. Even when my heart is "swollen with sorrow" (as Nephi would say), the Lord never ceases to shine his light on me. In fact, it's in the darkness that the light shines the brightest. God will not abandon me, my family, or anyone else who is going through a trial. He is always shining his light on us; it's just up to us to see it and let it light up our darkness. And then when we get to the other side of our trials and are able to look back over the journey we will thank Heavenly Father for all the tender mercies he blessed us with over the journey, and also the wonderful blessing of letting our trials push us closer to Him and eternal life.

The Refiner's Fire

Well guys, as many of you know my family and I are going through a difficult time right now. First of all I would like to thank all of you for your prayers and kind words. It means a lot to me and my family to know that we have so many people who love, care, and think about us. Thank you all for your help so far and the help you continue to give.

It's really late tonight so I don't have time to write much, but I've found a lot of really good quotes lately and a lot of good scriptures to help me through this trial. I was looking around the internet and I found this quote by James E. Faust:

"There is a divine purpose in the adversities we encounter every day. They prepare, they purge, they purify, and thus they bless."

I feel like this trial is a great opportunity for me to grow closer to my family and grow closer to the Lord. I know that even though it's only been about a month I have already become a better person than I was before. It's interesting because before all this happened I found myself frequently thinking that I didn't feel like I was as close to the Savior as I could have been, and that I didn't have as good of an appreciation for his atonement as I would like to have. Be careful what you wish for. ;) When I was in high school I was so good at writing in my journal every day and was more of what you call a "Molly Mormon." In high school I was made fun of because of that so I was a little ashamed of it, and I guess I turned away from being such a Molly Mormon. But I think that every day I am becoming more and more that way again, and I wear the badge of MOLLY MORMON proudly! I don't know how I would get through this without the priesthood, the scriptures, prayers that are now forever long, and sometimes I don't want them to end, family home evenings, and the Holy Ghost.

Even with all this stuff going on I feel so blessed to have the gospel in my life and to have a strong testimony! I am so blessed to have a wonderful and supportive family and friends! I am so blessed to know that this trial is a hard one but that I will make it through and that Christ can heal my heart! Even though it's a hard time I still have so many blessings! Every time I read in the scriptures I keep getting messages of hope and love. My ultimate goal is to get to the celestial kingdom with my family and the Lord is refining me to help me reach my goal.

"Patient endurance permits us to cling to our faith in the Lord and our faith in His timing when we are being tossed about by the surf of circumstance. Even when a seeming undertow grasps us, somehow, in the tumbling, we are being carried forward, though battered and bruised."

"Trials and tribulations tend to squeeze the artificiality out of us, leaving the essence of what we really are and clarifying what we really yearn for."

Both of these are quotes from Neal A. Maxwell. My mom read me an awesome one a few days ago that go more with what I was talking about but I'll find it later and post it here. These are good ones too!

Well I've gotta run. This post ended up being much longer than anticipated. I'm writing a book about what's going on, so I will probably post more things on here about my feelings and whatnot so I can just write it down. Thank you all again for your love and support! Have a great week!

Security Settings

Well as it turns out, a psychopath freak-of-nature has gained access to my blog and is apparently stalking my family and making ridiculous threats. I have therefore been forced to change my settings so that only a few people can access my blog. Just so you know. She's even tried to see Andrew on his mission. Like I said, FREAK OF NATURE!!! Anyway we're hoping that this all stops now but I guess we'll see. If not, it's all out WAR! No code of conduct or anything of the sort, and I will win. I WILL WIN!

Ehem.

Anywho, if any of you would like to be able to keep looking at my blog just send me an email or however you do that. That will be all.

FREAK OF NATURE!

Have a great week.

I'm Pretty Sure I Haven't Posted This Yet...

Well today at work, Kassidee, Megan and I were talking about dating and how scary it is and whatnot. So then I started talking about the weird/horrifying/hilarious dating experience I had about 2 years ago with a guy named Steven. This is the journal entry that I wrote the day after it happened, plus I've added a few details that I forgot to add when I originally wrote it. It was pretty traumatic at first so I was mostly concerned with getting the basic story down. So this is for all of you guys who haven't heard the story before. Mostly Megan. ;) Enjoy!

Okay, so in October my friend Kat wanted to hook me up with her brother Steven. He’d just barely gotten off his mission and he hadn’t been on a date since then which should have been a big indicator that I shouldn’t go out with him but eh, oh well. At least I’ll know in the future right? So she said she was trying to set it up so I would have a date with him Thursday and he’d go out with 2 other girls on Friday and Saturday. So I told her I would (more as a favor to her) and that she’d have to pick me up at my friend Kristal’s apartment at Old Farm because we were going to watch The Office that night. So she agreed and I told her that we would just go out for ice cream that night. That way if I thought the date was terrible it was alright because I would only be with him for half an hour. If it went well then…great!

So Thursday night rolled around and I was really nervous because I’d never been on a blind date before. After class the day Kat and I talked she introduced me to him really fast (he was outside our classroom) and I thought he looked kinda funny, like his eyes looked like they were sort of bugging out. Anywho, so I was at Kristal’s house then he came and picked me up and we drove to Casey’s ice cream place with Kat and her husband. So we talked and he was funny and I actually really liked him. So we had fun and made jokes, then we left the ice cream place and he walked me up to my room. I gave him a hug goodbye and then he asked if he could call me again, I said yes, and he left.

So yeah it was another 2 weeks after that before he actually called me. We talked for about an hour and he kept saying, “This is so weird! We’re talking like we’ve known each other forever and we’ve only seen each other for like half an hour! It usually takes years before I talk to someone like I’m talking to you.” So yeah we had fun and I kinda started to like him. So then probably 3 weeks went by and then he asked me on another date. It was the same week that we had to live in Richard’s hall because the boiler room in our building blew up. So he picked me up and we watched Ratatouille at his house. And then we talked for a long time. He kept telling me to ask him questions about his mission. So I asked him a question and he answered it and he had some really cool stories. So after he answered one I said, “So are we going to play a game like I ask you a question and you ask me a question?” He said, “No, I just really want to talk about my mission.” So yeah, that was kind of weird. He just wanted to talk about himself and wasn’t interested in learning more about me……yeah should have been a sign of some sort.

So basically I was over there until about 5:30 in the morning. Talking about him. And his mission. Yeah, we talked for a long time. Then I had class at 7:30 and that was sure fun. Anywho, so I thought we had a big connection and I got all excited and thought it might lead up to be something more than just a friendship. But yet again it took him about 2 weeks to talk to me again so that was really frustrating. But when he finally did call me I was a little sick but I really wanted to go out with him again so I said yes. He wanted to take me to Walmart to go buy some ingredients and then he wanted to take me to his apartment and make me dessert. So he picked me up and I got in his car and after a minute or 2 he said, “So I bet you've been wondering why I haven't been calling you for the past few weeks. Well I want to tell you something but I don’t know how to tell you.” I was thinking he was probably going to tell me that he liked me or something, which I would have been fine with and kind of excited about. So I said, “Well just try, go ahead and tell me what you want to tell me.” So he took a deep breath and said, “Ok. Well, I’ve been praying about us ever since our second date. Normally when I pray about girls that I like I get a straight out answer like, ‘No she’s not the right one for you,’ or whatever the answer is. But when I prayed about you and me, I didn’t get that kind of an answer. I think we should just give this a shot. Actually, I think that we belong together, and I think that the Lord really wants us together. We just get along so well together and we have so much fun together. I’ve fallen for some really shallow girls and you have a great personality. So after praying about it and stuff, I think we should give this a shot. That’s why I’ve waited so long to call you because I was afraid with the answer and how you would react. What do you think about it?”

Well, I was pretty much sick to my stomach. He basically proposed to me. It would’ve been ok if he just liked me, but after all that I was just like….well I started NOT liking him right then and there. So I said, “Well, I do like you but I think we need to take this REALLY slow. I’m a really slow person when it comes to relationships and we need to get to know each other better and stuff before we make that decision.” He’s like, “Yeah, I agree.” Then he told me he had to drop something off at a friend’s house. On our way over there he kept going… “You know, I think we were probably best friends in the pre-existence. No actually let me change that. I’m completely positive that we’re soul mates. I think that matchmaking angels have been all around us and have finally brought us together. I can just feel that we belong together.” Um okay, I was about ready to throw up at this point. So he kept saying stuff like that the whole time we were on our way to Walmart. It was crappy! So then we get to Walmart and I kept my hands in my pockets the whole time. The last thing I needed was someone I didn’t like that much trying to grab my hand. So we bought some ice cream and some stuff he needed to make apple crisp.

Then we drove back to his apartment. I was like thinking I must be dreaming. It sounded like something from the Singlesward, like when that guy Deverl tells that girl with the headgear “I think we met in the pre-existence.” I couldn’t believe this was actually happening to me! It made me sick.

So we get to his apartment and he just kept saying the same things that he was so surprised I wasn’t running away (ha ha ha…) and that he just feels like we get along so well. Then he started talking about his first impressions of me and girls he’d liked in the past. It was a long, long hour I was over there. He said, “I usually fall for the drop-dead gorgeous girls and you’re totally not even like that so this is so weird that I like you. You’ve really taught me that personality is a lot more important than good looks. I mean, I remember the first time I saw you, right when my sister first introduced us after your English class. I took one look at you and I thought, ‘Well, she doesn’t really look like the type of girl that I would be interested in but I guess I’ll give her a shot.’” Yeah he kept going on with stuff like that for a while. It was really fun to listen to. Comments like that will really boost your self-esteem.

So as you can imagine I wanted to get out of their pretty fast. He wasn’t really trying to hurt my feelings but that’s what he was doing. So anyway, I was glad when the buzzer finally went off telling us that the apple crisp was done. So then Steven got out the ice cream box and he had a hard time opening it. So I made a joke and said, “Oh we’ll just eat the box with the ice cream, it’s no big deal.” Then he said, “Well, I guess it would be a good source of fiber.” I was like, “Yeah…” Then said, “You know, on my mission I put fiber sure in my food every day. I used to be able to hold my stomach in my hands because my stomach kinda flopped of (um, sick!). But after having fiber sure every day I guess it got all of the junk out of my intestines and I lost a lot of inches. I went down about 3 belt loops. You know, you should use fiber sure every day, then you wouldn’t be as fat.” OH MY HECK! So I said, “Well I’m not THAT bad.” He said, “Well you could still lose a lot of weight. You should totally start using fiber sure.” Wow. Believe it or not, it got worse!

Well then he started dishing out the apple crisp and thankfully I just started eating. He just kept talking and saying stuff like that over and over, telling me again and again that I had really taught him that personality is much more important than looks. That didn't stop him from making a few suggestions on how to improve my supposed ugliness. "You know," he said, "you should really try to do your hair curly every once in a while. I'm sick of seeing it straight all the time, it needs to change. Also I think your hair color is a little too dark, so you might want to change that too." I told him that I did my hair curly sometimes but the times he'd seen me my hair had been straight. Then he said, "You know, you should really try to wear contacts instead of your glasses." I told him that I wore contacts during the day but my eyes couldn't stand wearing them at night. Since we only ever hung out at night that's why I was always wearing my glasses. So he said, "Well take your glasses off for a minute so I can see what you look like without them." So I took them off and he said, "Hmm...maybe not." So I'm sitting there, facing this sliding glass door, and I'm looking at myself feeling like the fattest, ugliest person in the world! It was terrible! I wanted to get out of there!!!
So then he started talking about my family. “I really want to meet your family,” he said. I was like, “Why?” He said, “Well honestly I really just want to meet your mom. I want to watch how she mothers your siblings. They say that daughters usually have the some mothering style as their mothers, so I want to watch her to see how you would mother our children if we got married.” Whoa, that was extremely creepy. Then he said, “Now I know your family is moving to Texas ‘cause you told me that a while ago. So after we got married, we’d have to move to Iowa ‘cause I got a job offer there when I was on my mission for $60,000 a year without a degree. So if I get a degree I’ll get more money. So with that money I’d make sure we had about a $20,000 a year to devote to traveling so that you could fly down to Texas a few times a year to see your family. But we would have to move to Iowa for my job.” Okay, so how he’s planning out our budget after we’re married? This was getting way too creepy. So I told him I wasn’t feeling good and asked if he could take me home.

So he drove me home, and we talked in front of my door for a while. Then I told him I should probably go inside and go to bed, so he said “ok” and gave me a hug. So I hugged him for a while and then I let go. You know how you can tell when the person you’re hugging is trying to let go? Yeah, I guess he doesn’t have that ability because he kept hugging me for like 10 seconds after I had COMPLETELY let go. I had to sort of push him away. Then I was like, “Ok, see you later.” Then he hugged me again and basically the same thing happened again. After he FINALLY let go, he’s like, “Sorry, I just don’t want to leave you anymore. It just feels so good to hold you! But I guess I should probably go. So I’ll see you later.” So yeah finally he left. Needless to say I didn’t answer the phone when he called me the next day.

So his sister was furious at him and told me that he says mean things like that all the time, so right then I decided I never wanted to see him again. Then later his sister was mad at me because she had talked to him and said that I had misinterpreted some of the things he had said about me. Um, please tell me how that could POSSIBLY be misinterpreted! So yeah she was mad that I didn't want to date him anymore. Wow, how does that make sense? So anyway, long story short, he called me, left me a message saying he’d talked to his sister and “apparently he freaked me out about some stuff.” So I called him back, and he asked if he could explain anything and I said, “No, you don’t have to explain anything. I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking and I’ve decided to go in a different direction.” He told me he didn’t blame me at all and we told each other to have a good day.

So yeah, that was the end of that. It really hurt my feelings for a few days but now I can’t even believe that actually happened. It’s pretty funny that someone would actually do that. After he proposed to me he kept telling me I was fat and ugly. Such a delight, that boy. Totally joking by the way. If I never talk to that kid again it’ll be too soon haha.

Anywho, that was it. Here's an update on Steven's life right now. He went on a blind date with someone, a month and a half later they were married. Yeah, I guess he found someone who was just as desperate as he was haha. I guess that's a mean thing to say, but I do feel sorry for whomever he ended up with. I wouldn't want to be married to that kid. Anywho, have a great week everyone! :) Christmas is almost here, so Merry Christmas! WOOT WOOT!

Graduation is Around the Corner!

Woot woot! Graduation is practically here! December 12th, baby! My wonderful Aunt Kaye made these announcements and I think they're pretty awesome. There's a pink one and a blue one too, but I like these black ones the best. Anyway, it looks like I only have 12 more days until I graduate. It's going to be fantastic but I'll be sad at the same time. I really liked college, and I'll really miss taking English classes and talking about all that English stuff. *sigh* It can't go on forever though, right? It had to end sometime. At least I ended on an easy semester rather than a hard one.

Well I actually finished my final draft of my final paper about half an hour ago. Woohoo! I think I can honestly say that I won't miss writing tons of papers all the times. Not research papers anyway. It'll also be nice to have my Family Finance class over with and my Natural Disasters class. Now the only thing I have left to do is turn in my paper on Friday and take my finals next week. I'm looking for good books to read and stuff to do. Right now I'm reading My Name is Asher Lev (which is a fantastic book by the way) and working on my quilt project. But that will be done pretty soon haha. I'm also watching the 4th season of House because my roommate bought it this weekend. So yeah, I'm just looking for options on what to do. So if you have any ideas let me know. :)

Well I'm pretty excited for the Christmas holidays. I love everything about Christmas, and I'm most excited about spending a lot of time with my family. I was going to have to work the 21-23 of Christmas break but I knew I would get really homesick and stuff so I got someone else to take those shifts for me. Last year when I was up here by myself it was really hard and really depressing. When it's Christmastime, all you want to do is be with your family. So I was glad I got those shifts taken care of. I do have to work the 15th and the 16th the first week of the break, but it's only for two days and my roommate will be up there for those two days as well. So I shouldn't be too lonely up there, and I'll be working 8 or 9 hours a day. Life is great!

Well I only have like 5 minutes left of work so I have to go. I'll talk to you all later! Have a great week everyone! I love you all!

I Think I Have Officially Changed Teams

Now if this isn't one of the sexiest guys you've ever seen, I don't know what's wrong with you but you'd better get your head on straight. He looks even better in the movie if you ask me. Anyway, onto my story.

So last night my friend Sam and I had a little adventure going to the midnight showing of New Moon and we stood outside for about an hour an fifteen minutes or so. We had fun talking about guys and just catching up on each other's lives. Anyway so we were chatting and then the next thing I knew this girl in a white jacket just bolted out of the door and ran through the parking lot. A few seconds later this guy came out the door and took off after her. I figured maybe she forgot something in her car, maybe they were flirting, I don't know. Then maybe thirty seconds after that a group of girls came out and asked, "Did anyone see a girl running out? Do you know which way she went?" So I told them which way she went and they also started charging in that direction. They went clear into the other parking lot and seemed like they were looking for her. Was she running away or something and her friends were trying to find her? Sam and I kept looking over in that direction to see if they found her or if they were coming back, but soon they disappeared and we never saw them after that.

Well we kind of blew it off after a while, but then about 5 or 10 mintues later the earlier showing of New Moon got out or something, and these two ladies came out. Sam and I assumed it was a teenager (like 13-14) and her mother; it could have been her older sister though, we don't know. So at first glance it looked like the mom just had her arm around her daughter. But then it looked like the girl was trying to pull away. Then we could clearly see that the girl was trying to get away from her mom and her mom kept trying to hold onto her. It looked like she was trying to run away too or something. So I think they must have gotten pretty close to their car because the mom kind of started walking towards one, but then the girl suddenly started trying to twist around and break free and then boom! She escaped her mom's grasp and took off running! Her mom charged after her but the girl was extremely quick. She almost got hit by a truck because she didn't even bother to check for cars while she was running. So after she almost got hit by the truck we didn't see either of them again. It was crazy! What was this movie doing to people?! We thought maybe the girl might of been mentally disabled or something a little bit by the way she was trying to get away from her mom. It really looked like something a small child would do, not a teenager. Anyway, I guess we'll never know. Last night was full of mystery.

So the movie itself? AMAZING! Much better than Twilight. Now, I love the books but I really didn't like the first movie. I watched it once when it came out and I was very disappointed. Also I don't think Robert Patterson is that attractive and he's a pretty big slob too. We watched him on Jay Leno the same night I saw Twilight and his hair was so greasy and his clothes weren't even straight. It looked like he had just gotten out of bed. He said that he didn't like the way his hair felt after it was washed so when he took a shower he rarely washed his hair. Look pal, let me tell you something. You can't play Edward in Twilight and then act like a slob in public. I was so disgusted! Yeah, and in all honesty I don't think he's a terrific actor. Here's a picture of the guy that I wanted to play Edward.


Well I was actually looking on IMDB and he was Humphrey on Star Dust. I had no idea! THis guy's name is Henry Cavill, and he's a hunk! Anyway, this is who I pictured as Edward and I think that this is who Stephanie Meyer thought should play Edward as well. Anyway so yeah, I wasn't too happy with the Edward they picked but hey some people really like him and that's great.

So anyway, when I was reading the novels I was always team Edward, hands down. I didn't understand how there could even be a choice, like how could anyone possibly think that Jacob could be the one to end up with Bella? Edward was clearly the obvious choice. But after seeing New Moon last night I feel completely the opposite. Edward was so pathetic and an idiot and weak! I couldn't see how she could pick Edward over Jacob! Sam and I were talking about this after the movie and we were both so conflicted and felt exactly the same way! We were crying when Edward left Bella at the beginning, but I cried even harder when Bella lowered the boom on Jacob. It literally ripped my heart out. I hate Bella! She's such an idiot! Ugh! Anyway, so it was very sad. Sam reminded me, "At least we know that it ends up working out for him in the end." *sigh* It's true, but I'd never thought of Edward as second choice. Or really no choice at all. But yeah, Edward never seemed so needy, whiny, and useless in my head while I was readint he novels. Unfortunately that's exactly what he was in the movie.

So my decision has come to this: for now, when it comes to the novels I am ALL team Edward. But when it comes to the movies I'm TEAM JACOB! Woohoo!

Anywho, so there's my story. Hopefully later today Sam and I and a few other people are going to go watch 2012. That should be pretty fun. :) Have a great weekend everyone!

I'm All Excited for the Holidays!!!

Well here I am again. As you can see I changed my blog layout and I LOVE IT!! I kinda got sick of the one that I had because I've never had anything different. So I searched around and my awesome friend Megan showed me and I found this great background! It's http://www.thecutestblogontheblock.com/ and I love it! Woohoo! They had adorable looking blog templates and it was easy to put them on my blog. Woot woot! Yay for easy!

So on Wednesday I had a pretty awesome experience. As some of you may know, I've been taking classes from my favorite professor (we'll call him Dr. M) throughout my college years. I am currently taking my 4th class from him and it's a class on Jane Austen. I love it! He's going to teach this amazing theory class next semester. They'll be reading amazing books like Alice in Wonderland, The Hounds of Baskerville, Hamlet, The House on Haunted Hill, etc. It's going to be a really psychologically mind-bending writing class, and I actually considered putting off graduation for one semester just so I could take that class. But then I remembered I don't have another couple thousand dollars to spend haha.

Anyway, so on Wednesday after that class I went into his office to talk about a paper. Before I could say anything, I sat down and he said, "So there's absolutely no way that you can take the theory class from me next semester?"

Me: "Well no, I wish there was but I'm graduating this semester."

Dr. M.: "Oh graduating. Well that is a problem." (pause for 5 seconds) "What if I failed you?"

Me: "Haha. Well I need this credit to graduate so I guess if you failed me I would have to stay another semester."

Dr. M.: "Well, problem solved. Cancel all of your graduation announcements, I think we have a solution. I'll just fail you in this class and then you'll have to stay another semester and take that class from me."

Haha I was laughing pretty hard. So then he said, "Here, let me show you the books that we're going to read for that class next semester." So he rolled over on his swivel chair and showed me all the books I listed above and more. Then he said, "I tried to pick books I thought my students would like; you know, the ones that have taken classes from me for a while, like you. So when I was trying to think of what books to use for the theory class I was thinking, 'What kinds of books would Alisa like to read?'" So I was bummed. I told him that a lot of those books were on my reading list of books I want to read. He said, "Well, you can always read those books outside of a class." But seriously guys, that's not nearly as fun. Especially when you've already taken a mind-bending class from Dr. M. like my Don Quixote class. Anywho, so what we figured out was that he would email me the class discussions and I could follow along with the readings and the discussions. Anyway, I was just really touched that I made such a good impression on my favorite professor that he wanted to have me as a student for one more semester. Also it was nice to hear that he tried to pick novels that I would like (I'm sure that he had other students in mind as well). But yeah, it was a big compliment that he wanted me to stay. I really admire and respect him, and it always feels good to get a compliment from someone you admire. :)

Well it is FRIDAY and only a few more days until I get to go home for the Thanksgiving break! WOOHOO! I am so excited! Plus I finished all of my homework for the rest of the semester so I can do whatever I want during the break! Then I will come back after the break for a week of classes, then have two finals the week after that, and then I will be graduated on December 12th! Yes! Then I have to work here in Logan for about a week or so, and then it's a big long Christmas break for me. Yippee! Then I have to look for a job and all that, but right now I'm just focusing on Thanksgiving break! I am so excited!

Anywho, that was just a brief update. I hope you all have a fantastic week! I also hope that I will start writing in this more often. I love you all!