Saturday, January 29, 2011

Addition to my "trials" research haha.

I am giving a talk in my singles ward tomorrow and I decided to make it about trials. I found a really good talk called "Adveristy" by Henry B. Eyring from conference of April 2009. This is a really good quote, and I thought I would just put it up here. I think since we've all been through trials we can all relate.

"With all the differences in our lives, we have at least one challenge in common. We all must deal with adversity. There may be periods, sometimes long ones, when our lives seem to flow with little difficulty. But it is in the nature of our being human that comfort gives way to distress, periods of good health come to an end, and misfortunes arrive. Particularly when the comfortable times have gone on for a while, the arrival of suffering or the loss of material security can bring fear and sometimes even anger.

"The anger comes at least in part from a feeling that what is happening is unfair. The good health and the serene sense of being secure can become to seem deserved and natural. When they vanish, a feeling of injustice can come. Even a brave man I knew wept and cried out in his physical suffering to those who ministered to him: “I have always tried to be good. How could this happen?”

"That aching for an answer to “How could this happen?” becomes even more painful when those struggling include those we love. And it is especially hard for us to accept when those afflicted seem to us to be blameless. Then the distress can shake faith in the reality of a loving and all-powerful God. Some of us have seen such doubt come to infect a whole generation of people in times of war or famine. Such doubt can grow and spread until some may turn away from God, whom they charge with being indifferent or cruel. And if unchecked, those feelings can lead to loss of faith that there is a God at all.

"My purpose today is to assure you that our Heavenly Father and the Savior live and that They love all humanity. The very opportunity for us to face adversity and affliction is part of the evidence of Their infinite love. God gave us the gift of living in mortality so that we could be prepared to receive the greatest of all the gifts of God, which is eternal life. Then our spirits will be changed. We will become able to want what God wants, to think as He thinks, and thus be prepared for the trust of an endless posterity to teach and to lead through tests to be raised up to qualify to live forever in eternal life.

"It is clear that for us to have that gift and to be given that trust, we must be transformed through making righteous choices where that is hard to do. We are prepared for so great a trust by passing through trying and testing experiences in mortality. That education can come only as we are subject to trials while serving God and others for Him.

"In this education we experience misery and happiness, sickness and health, the sadness from sin and the joy of forgiveness. That forgiveness can come only through the infinite Atonement of the Savior, which He worked out through pain we could not bear and which we can only faintly comprehend.

"It will comfort us when we must wait in distress for the Savior’s promised relief that He knows, from experience, how to heal and help us. The Book of Mormon gives us the certain assurance of His power to comfort. And faith in that power will give us patience as we pray and work and wait for help. He could have known how to succor us simply by revelation, but He chose to learn by His own personal experience.


"I have seen faith and courage come from a testimony that it is true that we are being prepared for eternal life. The Lord will rescue His faithful disciples. And the disciple who accepts a trial as an invitation to grow and therefore qualify for eternal life can find peace in the midst of the struggle."

I just love Henry B. Eyring! Can't you just hear him saying this with his sweet voice and even getting choked up at times? Man, he is seriously so great! And he has a way of just putting things into great words and getting straight to the point. Anyway, just thought I'd share all that with you.

So, updates on my life haha.

I'm really going to try to write more, but yeah. Anyway, I work at 1-800-CONTACTS now and I love it! I'm trying to get a new position in the Rx department and my application is going in on Monday. We'll see how that goes. Anyway, it's nice to have a steady job and to be making good money so I can pay back my loans and still have some fun. :)

Also, nothing really new in my dating life haha. I've been on a few dates here and there but nothing serious. I'm interested in some guys, but you just never know how people feel sometimes, you know? I'm afraid I may have scared one of them away. But I'll be patient. I'm sure the guy I'll be marrying is so awesome that Heavenly Father is just making me prepare for it. He'll knock my socks off, I'm sure. ;) But let me tell you, he'll be worth waiting for.

Well other than that there's not too much to report. My family and I moved into a new house 2 days before Christmas and we totally love it here! It's a really new house, we all have our own rooms, and there's lots of space. It's really perfect for us! And my mom still can't get over how great it is haha. We have been truly blessed with anything we could ever need and so much more! We have lots of wonderful people in our lives that have helped us out and continue to help us without hesitation. Thank you all so much!

Oh, and MY BIRTHDAY IS IN A WEEK! WOOOOOT! I'll be 23, can you believe it? Land sakes! It will be pretty awesome, that's all I've got to say. I am super stoked and I even took 2 days off of work so that I could have Thursday-Sunday off to do whatever I wanted haha. Yeah, it's great. If any of you want to make plans, let me know!

Anyway, it's late and I really need to finish this talk and go to bed haha. I hope to hear from you all soon! Thanks for all your love and support! I promise I'll do better at writing now. :) Talk to you all later!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Long Time No...Type....

Well well well. My life is certainly less bleak than it was the last time I wrote. Life is still hard, as I'm sure it will always have it's hard moments, but overall life is doing very well. There are lots of new things that have happened, so I'll try to update through bullet points:

-I'm now the activities co-chair in my singles ward and I'm totally loving my calling! I love planning activities and I have made a lot of new friends in my ward.

-I'm still looking for a job. However, I did go back for a few interviews for a job at my favorite bank as a teller, which is a job that I have wanted for a really really long time. Anyway, they said that they'd let me know hopefully by today, so I'm anxiously waiting to hear the results. I'll let you know what happens!

-I've been on several dates! Woohoo! Dating life is back on track! And I've been making a lot of new friends and guy friends, and that's always good.

-We've moved in with my grandma and grandpa who live over by the temple. That has been a little bit of a challenge, but I'm grateful that they let me and my family live there. Also I got the room with the king-size bed and I have a TV and DVD player so I can watch movies in my room and stuff now. That's pretty sweet. :)

-I get to go to the chiropractor today! I am super excited about that! I haven't been for MONTHS and I'm all out of alignment so I've been getting headaches all the time and it's been driving me nuts! So I'm going today and I can't wait to get out of pain! It will feel so great!

-Life is just great!

So yeah, there you go. I'm sure there's a few things I forgot, like the fact that I've seen Inception twice and it is like the best movie ever created! When it comes out to the sticky shoe, I'll be there every night watching it. Yeah, it's amazing.

Well I wish I had some new pictures on here for you but I don't. I'll take some tonight at my ward activity. We're going swimming at a member of our bishopric's pool tonight! WOOT!! Anyway, sorry this is short but I have a lot of stuff I have to do today. I have to send around emails and such to the ward to remind them of the activity and then go buy some treats for it. I'll do better at keeping this thing updated. I'll write again soon! Thanks for reading! I hope you all have a fantastic day! :)

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Light in the Darkness

Well I'm not really sure exactly what I want to call this post yet, or really where it's going to go...but here we go.

So this morning my mom and I were talking about how everything that's been going on has caused us to lose our security. For me it's made it difficult for me to leave the house and my mom especially. I'm alright when I go to work and stuff, but once I get home I don't want to leave her side. It's very hard for me to be without her. I feel like I did when I was a kid and I would just get so homesick that it would make me PHYSICALLY sick. It's just made life a lot harder than it needs to be. Luckily I think I'm starting to turn around with that. I still want to be home all the time, but at least I'm willing to go out and do a few things. Today I'm going to church with my cousin Courtney to hopefully start meeting new people and make a few more friends. But anyway, my security is still pretty low.

Also, a lot of things break your heart easier because your heart is already broken. One of my friends has recently left the church and decided to become an atheist. That's been really hard to hear and quite heartbreaking to know that he not only left the church but God too. Laura was in seminary a few days ago and they were doing a "getting to know you" kind of a thing. So this one kid got up and Laura asked, "Did you used to do wrestling or something like that?" after he said that he really liked sports. He responded, "Well yeah I used to wrestle all the time. But then my parents got divorced and I had to quit wrestling and start working." How sad is that?! He had to give up something he loved because of something that wasn't even his fault. I don't know if he had to start helping to support his family, but it's still incredibly sad. Before I found out my parents were getting divorced I used to feel bad for people who would talk about that but I never realized the pain and suffering that were behind the words "my parents are getting a divorce." It's just tragic when innocent people get hurt and their lives are forced to change, for the worse temporarily. I'm sure we'll get used to it and it won't hurt as bad after a while, but I didn't want this change. No one does. I never thought it would happen to my family, and anyone that knows my family will tell you the same thing. It's also sad to hear how frequent it is now. At Laura's job, most of the people she works with have divorced parents. How horrible! It's so sad to know that so many people have had to suffer like this. It isn't fair, but that's life I suppose.

Anyway, most days are better than others, but I had a rough morning this morning. I've been having a lot of bad dreams lately that make me feel insecure, scared, angry, depressed, and they remind me that that's how I feel. Last night my mom and I were talking about how when I was born I almost died and she didn't get to hold me until I was 10 days old. We cried together because it was so sad what she and my family had to go through. My mom said there were tubes all over me and it was just a sad thing to see. They thought I was going to be deaf, dumb, blind, etc., but I turned out alright. It just proves to me that I must be here for a reason and that I've got a special mission. So anyway, last night I had a dream that I was telling my friends Thomas about what was going on and my dad heard me talking to him. After Thomas left he got really mad at me and started telling me that he hated me and that he wished I would have died instead of lived when I was a baby. I must have been crying in my sleep because I woke up with my eyes practically glued shut and my face salty. Now, I know that that would never happen and I know that my dad loves me. But it just shows that I have a lot of insecurities right now. I know it was just a dream, but it sliced my already broken heart and I could barely take it. Even in a dream it's hard to hear someone you love tell you that they wish you were dead. Again, I know this isn't true, but my dreams seem so real. I'm still crying about it while I'm typing this. I'm just a lot more sensitive to things with all this stuff going on.

So as I'm sitting here having a bad day, it's hard not to question why I have to go through this? I did nothing to deserve what's going on. Why does my life have to be torn apart, even when I'm living righteously? This is a common problem for people who have left the church, and I'm glad that this isn't a problem with me. I know I touched a little bit on it in my last entry, but let me expound on why trials are important.

A few days ago in my scripture reading I was reading about the brother of Jared. The Lord is telling him that he and his family will have to cross the ocean to come to the promised land. In Ether 2:25 it says, "And behold, I prepare you against these things; for ye cannot cross this great deep save I prepare you against the waves of the sea, and the winds which have gone forth, and the floods which shall come." To me that just shows that the Lord knows the journey will be extremely difficult, but he also knows that it will be impossible to do without his help. He knows that the important thing to do is for the brother of Jared and his family to turn to the Lord and rely on him fro strength and guidance. I really feel like that is what my family and I need to do, and it's something that I've been doing already. When my burden becomes too heavy I call upon the Lord and pray to Heavenly Father. He knows that some days I just can't take it anymore, and that I need his help to take some of the pain and heaviness away from me. He knows what I'm going through and he knows that I need his help. I feel like the Savior is just waiting for me to call on him for help because he knows how much it hurts and how much I need the help. Sometimes it's hard to humble yourself to accept help and not to think, "Well I can do this on my own. I don't really need a blessing or anything; it's not THAT bad right now. I can just do this. I'll save up the help for when I REALLY need it and things get REALLY bad." Throughout my life I've caught myself thinking that, and this trial has been an opportunity for me to snap out of that thinking and realize that life doesn't have to be as hard as I think it is. The Savior suffered for my sins AND my sorrows. If I don't take advantage of that, it's like he suffered needlessly. He bled and died for me, so why shouldn't I take advantage of the fact that he has been in my shoes and knows how much pain I'm going through? It really all boils down to pride, and I find myself being humbled again and again.

It's been amazing to see how many people care for me and my family and offer their help. I've seen people that I wouldn't consider my best of friends jump up to the plate and become some of my biggest help. It's also been interesting to see who I turn to for help. Some people I thought I was great friends with I haven't even told what's going on, or even seen them for over a month. This trial has shown me how many people my family and I have touched, and that touches me in return. It's also easy to see who wants to try to talk to us just to get some gossip and who wants to talk to us because they genuinely care and are concerned. I feel so humbled to know how many people are willing to listen or even just pray for me when there's not much else they can do. I feel the strength from their prayers every day. It's also humbling when countless neighbors and friends have told us that they've been putting our names in the temple. The people at the temple must be thinking, "Who are these Cottrells?!" Haha. But I really do appreciate all the help and support. There's a book called The Five Love Languages for Singles and my primary love languages are acts of service, quality time, and gifts; so when people do those things that's when I feel the most loved. So with all this pain it's amazing how much I feel loved as well. So many friends have wanted to take me to lunch or to a movie or anywhere and it just touches my heart that they care so much. My birthday is coming up, and I have honestly not been looking forward to it at times because I want to be happy on my birthday and I haven't been sure if that's possible or not. But people have done so many things already to try to help me have a happy birthday that it just astounds me. My coworker took my shift so that I wouldn't have to work on my birthday. My grandparents are taking me out to lunch and then my mom and I are going to go watch a movie. Etc., etc., etc. The kindness and love just never ends, and it has truly been a miracle to witness that.

Ok, I feel like this is long enough, so let me end with a scripture of hope. In Ether 6, the brother of Jared and his family launch their "barges" and get ready to head towards the promised land. Let me share a few verses with you that tell me the Lord is looking out for me and will not leave me alone (Italics are added as emphasis)
3 "And thus the Lord caused stones to shine in darkness, to give light unto men, women, and children, that they might not cross the great waters in darkness."
(6-12) "And it came to pass that they were many times buried in the depths of the sea, because of the mountain waves which broke upon them, and also the great and terrible tempests which were caused by the fierceness of the wind.
"And it came to pass that when they were buried in the deep there was no water that could hurt them, their vessels being tight like unto a dish, and also they were tight like unto the ark of Noah; therefore when they were encompassed about by many waters they did cry unto the Lord, and he did bring them forth again upon the top of the waters.
"And it came to pass that the wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land while they were upon the waters; and thus they were driven forth by the wind.
"And they did sing praises unto the Lord; yea, the brother of Jared did sing praises unto the Lord, and he did thank and praise the Lord all the day long; and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord.
"And thus they were driven forth; and no monster of the sea could break them, neither whale that could mar them; and they did have light continually, whether it was above the water or under the water.
"And thus they were driven forth, three hundred and forty and four days upon the water.
"And they did land upon the shore of the promised land. And when they had set their feet upon the shores of the promised land they bowed themselves down upon the face of the land, and did humble themselves before the Lord, and did shed tears of joy before the Lord, because of the multitude of his tender mercies over them."
I feel like I am on the sea, traveling towards a better place and many great blessings. The Lord always blesses the faithful and the innocent. I also feel like sometimes I am under the water in need of fresh air and there is no possible way that I can get to the surface. But when I pray to Heavenly Father he brings me up to the surface to I can catch my breath and see the sun for a little while. But even when I am above the water I am still subject to the tempests and winds of this trial; I'm still suffering but I'm heading towards the promised land. I also found it interesting that in verse 8 it says that the winds didn't cease to blow upon them, but the winds were actually the things that were blowing them towards the promised land. So without our trials there is no way for us a get to the promised land. But even when I am suffering sometimes beyond what I feel I can bear, the Lord is still with me and brings his continuous light. Even in the darkness when I am under the water and nearly suffocating the Savior still brings his light to light up my boat. Even when my heart is "swollen with sorrow" (as Nephi would say), the Lord never ceases to shine his light on me. In fact, it's in the darkness that the light shines the brightest. God will not abandon me, my family, or anyone else who is going through a trial. He is always shining his light on us; it's just up to us to see it and let it light up our darkness. And then when we get to the other side of our trials and are able to look back over the journey we will thank Heavenly Father for all the tender mercies he blessed us with over the journey, and also the wonderful blessing of letting our trials push us closer to Him and eternal life.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The Refiner's Fire

Well guys, as many of you know my family and I are going through a difficult time right now. First of all I would like to thank all of you for your prayers and kind words. It means a lot to me and my family to know that we have so many people who love, care, and think about us. Thank you all for your help so far and the help you continue to give.

It's really late tonight so I don't have time to write much, but I've found a lot of really good quotes lately and a lot of good scriptures to help me through this trial. I was looking around the internet and I found this quote by James E. Faust:

"There is a divine purpose in the adversities we encounter every day. They prepare, they purge, they purify, and thus they bless."

I feel like this trial is a great opportunity for me to grow closer to my family and grow closer to the Lord. I know that even though it's only been about a month I have already become a better person than I was before. It's interesting because before all this happened I found myself frequently thinking that I didn't feel like I was as close to the Savior as I could have been, and that I didn't have as good of an appreciation for his atonement as I would like to have. Be careful what you wish for. ;) When I was in high school I was so good at writing in my journal every day and was more of what you call a "Molly Mormon." In high school I was made fun of because of that so I was a little ashamed of it, and I guess I turned away from being such a Molly Mormon. But I think that every day I am becoming more and more that way again, and I wear the badge of MOLLY MORMON proudly! I don't know how I would get through this without the priesthood, the scriptures, prayers that are now forever long, and sometimes I don't want them to end, family home evenings, and the Holy Ghost.

Even with all this stuff going on I feel so blessed to have the gospel in my life and to have a strong testimony! I am so blessed to have a wonderful and supportive family and friends! I am so blessed to know that this trial is a hard one but that I will make it through and that Christ can heal my heart! Even though it's a hard time I still have so many blessings! Every time I read in the scriptures I keep getting messages of hope and love. My ultimate goal is to get to the celestial kingdom with my family and the Lord is refining me to help me reach my goal.

"Patient endurance permits us to cling to our faith in the Lord and our faith in His timing when we are being tossed about by the surf of circumstance. Even when a seeming undertow grasps us, somehow, in the tumbling, we are being carried forward, though battered and bruised."

"Trials and tribulations tend to squeeze the artificiality out of us, leaving the essence of what we really are and clarifying what we really yearn for."

Both of these are quotes from Neal A. Maxwell. My mom read me an awesome one a few days ago that go more with what I was talking about but I'll find it later and post it here. These are good ones too!

Well I've gotta run. This post ended up being much longer than anticipated. I'm writing a book about what's going on, so I will probably post more things on here about my feelings and whatnot so I can just write it down. Thank you all again for your love and support! Have a great week!

Monday, January 4, 2010

Security Settings

Well as it turns out, a psychopath freak-of-nature has gained access to my blog and is apparently stalking my family and making ridiculous threats. I have therefore been forced to change my settings so that only a few people can access my blog. Just so you know. She's even tried to see Andrew on his mission. Like I said, FREAK OF NATURE!!! Anyway we're hoping that this all stops now but I guess we'll see. If not, it's all out WAR! No code of conduct or anything of the sort, and I will win. I WILL WIN!


Anywho, if any of you would like to be able to keep looking at my blog just send me an email or however you do that. That will be all.


Have a great week.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

I'm Pretty Sure I Haven't Posted This Yet...

Well today at work, Kassidee, Megan and I were talking about dating and how scary it is and whatnot. So then I started talking about the weird/horrifying/hilarious dating experience I had about 2 years ago with a guy named Steven. This is the journal entry that I wrote the day after it happened, plus I've added a few details that I forgot to add when I originally wrote it. It was pretty traumatic at first so I was mostly concerned with getting the basic story down. So this is for all of you guys who haven't heard the story before. Mostly Megan. ;) Enjoy!

Okay, so in October my friend Kat wanted to hook me up with her brother Steven. He’d just barely gotten off his mission and he hadn’t been on a date since then which should have been a big indicator that I shouldn’t go out with him but eh, oh well. At least I’ll know in the future right? So she said she was trying to set it up so I would have a date with him Thursday and he’d go out with 2 other girls on Friday and Saturday. So I told her I would (more as a favor to her) and that she’d have to pick me up at my friend Kristal’s apartment at Old Farm because we were going to watch The Office that night. So she agreed and I told her that we would just go out for ice cream that night. That way if I thought the date was terrible it was alright because I would only be with him for half an hour. If it went well then…great!
So Thursday night rolled around and I was really nervous because I’d never been on a blind date before. After class the day Kat and I talked she introduced me to him really fast (he was outside our classroom) and I thought he looked kinda funny, like his eyes looked like they were sort of bugging out. Anywho, so I was at Kristal’s house then he came and picked me up and we drove to Casey’s ice cream place with Kat and her husband. So we talked and he was funny and I actually really liked him. So we had fun and made jokes, then we left the ice cream place and he walked me up to my room. I gave him a hug goodbye and then he asked if he could call me again, I said yes, and he left.
So yeah it was another 2 weeks after that before he actually called me. We talked for about an hour and he kept saying, “This is so weird! We’re talking like we’ve known each other forever and we’ve only seen each other for like half an hour! It usually takes years before I talk to someone like I’m talking to you.” So yeah we had fun and I kinda started to like him. So then probably 3 weeks went by and then he asked me on another date. It was the same week that we had to live in Richard’s hall because the boiler room in our building blew up. So he picked me up and we watched Ratatouille at his house. And then we talked for a long time. He kept telling me to ask him questions about his mission. So I asked him a question and he answered it and he had some really cool stories. So after he answered one I said, “So are we going to play a game like I ask you a question and you ask me a question?” He said, “No, I just really want to talk about my mission.” So yeah, that was kind of weird. He just wanted to talk about himself and wasn’t interested in learning more about me……yeah should have been a sign of some sort.
So basically I was over there until about 5:30 in the morning. Talking about him. And his mission. Yeah, we talked for a long time. Then I had class at 7:30 and that was sure fun. Anywho, so I thought we had a big connection and I got all excited and thought it might lead up to be something more than just a friendship. But yet again it took him about 2 weeks to talk to me again so that was really frustrating. But when he finally did call me I was a little sick but I really wanted to go out with him again so I said yes. He wanted to take me to Walmart to go buy some ingredients and then he wanted to take me to his apartment and make me dessert. So he picked me up and I got in his car and after a minute or 2 he said, “So I bet you've been wondering why I haven't been calling you for the past few weeks. Well I want to tell you something but I don’t know how to tell you.” I was thinking he was probably going to tell me that he liked me or something, which I would have been fine with and kind of excited about. So I said, “Well just try, go ahead and tell me what you want to tell me.” So he took a deep breath and said, “Ok. Well, I’ve been praying about us ever since our second date. Normally when I pray about girls that I like I get a straight out answer like, ‘No she’s not the right one for you,’ or whatever the answer is. But when I prayed about you and me, I didn’t get that kind of an answer. I think we should just give this a shot. Actually, I think that we belong together, and I think that the Lord really wants us together. We just get along so well together and we have so much fun together. I’ve fallen for some really shallow girls and you have a great personality. So after praying about it and stuff, I think we should give this a shot. That’s why I’ve waited so long to call you because I was afraid with the answer and how you would react. What do you think about it?”
Well, I was pretty much sick to my stomach. He basically proposed to me. It would’ve been ok if he just liked me, but after all that I was just like….well I started NOT liking him right then and there. So I said, “Well, I do like you but I think we need to take this REALLY slow. I’m a really slow person when it comes to relationships and we need to get to know each other better and stuff before we make that decision.” He’s like, “Yeah, I agree.” Then he told me he had to drop something off at a friend’s house. On our way over there he kept going… “You know, I think we were probably best friends in the pre-existence. No actually let me change that. I’m completely positive that we’re soul mates. I think that matchmaking angels have been all around us and have finally brought us together. I can just feel that we belong together.” Um okay, I was about ready to throw up at this point. So he kept saying stuff like that the whole time we were on our way to Walmart. It was crappy! So then we get to Walmart and I kept my hands in my pockets the whole time. The last thing I needed was someone I didn’t like that much trying to grab my hand. So we bought some ice cream and some stuff he needed to make apple crisp.
Then we drove back to his apartment. I was like thinking I must be dreaming. It sounded like something from the Singlesward, like when that guy Deverl tells that girl with the headgear “I think we met in the pre-existence.” I couldn’t believe this was actually happening to me! It made me sick.
So we get to his apartment and he just kept saying the same things that he was so surprised I wasn’t running away (ha ha ha…) and that he just feels like we get along so well. Then he started talking about his first impressions of me and girls he’d liked in the past. It was a long, long hour I was over there. He said, “I usually fall for the drop-dead gorgeous girls and you’re totally not even like that so this is so weird that I like you. You’ve really taught me that personality is a lot more important than good looks. I mean, I remember the first time I saw you, right when my sister first introduced us after your English class. I took one look at you and I thought, ‘Well, she doesn’t really look like the type of girl that I would be interested in but I guess I’ll give her a shot.’” Yeah he kept going on with stuff like that for a while. It was really fun to listen to. Comments like that will really boost your self-esteem.
So as you can imagine I wanted to get out of their pretty fast. He wasn’t really trying to hurt my feelings but that’s what he was doing. So anyway, I was glad when the buzzer finally went off telling us that the apple crisp was done. So then Steven got out the ice cream box and he had a hard time opening it. So I made a joke and said, “Oh we’ll just eat the box with the ice cream, it’s no big deal.” Then he said, “Well, I guess it would be a good source of fiber.” I was like, “Yeah…” Then said, “You know, on my mission I put fiber sure in my food every day. I used to be able to hold my stomach in my hands because my stomach kinda flopped of (um, sick!). But after having fiber sure every day I guess it got all of the junk out of my intestines and I lost a lot of inches. I went down about 3 belt loops. You know, you should use fiber sure every day, then you wouldn’t be as fat.” OH MY HECK! So I said, “Well I’m not THAT bad.” He said, “Well you could still lose a lot of weight. You should totally start using fiber sure.” Wow. Believe it or not, it got worse!
Well then he started dishing out the apple crisp and thankfully I just started eating. He just kept talking and saying stuff like that over and over, telling me again and again that I had really taught him that personality is much more important than looks. That didn't stop him from making a few suggestions on how to improve my supposed ugliness. "You know," he said, "you should really try to do your hair curly every once in a while. I'm sick of seeing it straight all the time, it needs to change. Also I think your hair color is a little too dark, so you might want to change that too." I told him that I did my hair curly sometimes but the times he'd seen me my hair had been straight. Then he said, "You know, you should really try to wear contacts instead of your glasses." I told him that I wore contacts during the day but my eyes couldn't stand wearing them at night. Since we only ever hung out at night that's why I was always wearing my glasses. So he said, "Well take your glasses off for a minute so I can see what you look like without them." So I took them off and he said, "Hmm...maybe not." So I'm sitting there, facing this sliding glass door, and I'm looking at myself feeling like the fattest, ugliest person in the world! It was terrible! I wanted to get out of there!!!
So then he started talking about my family. “I really want to meet your family,” he said. I was like, “Why?” He said, “Well honestly I really just want to meet your mom. I want to watch how she mothers your siblings. They say that daughters usually have the some mothering style as their mothers, so I want to watch her to see how you would mother our children if we got married.” Whoa, that was extremely creepy. Then he said, “Now I know your family is moving to Texas ‘cause you told me that a while ago. So after we got married, we’d have to move to Iowa ‘cause I got a job offer there when I was on my mission for $60,000 a year without a degree. So if I get a degree I’ll get more money. So with that money I’d make sure we had about a $20,000 a year to devote to traveling so that you could fly down to Texas a few times a year to see your family. But we would have to move to Iowa for my job.” Okay, so how he’s planning out our budget after we’re married? This was getting way too creepy. So I told him I wasn’t feeling good and asked if he could take me home.
So he drove me home, and we talked in front of my door for a while. Then I told him I should probably go inside and go to bed, so he said “ok” and gave me a hug. So I hugged him for a while and then I let go. You know how you can tell when the person you’re hugging is trying to let go? Yeah, I guess he doesn’t have that ability because he kept hugging me for like 10 seconds after I had COMPLETELY let go. I had to sort of push him away. Then I was like, “Ok, see you later.” Then he hugged me again and basically the same thing happened again. After he FINALLY let go, he’s like, “Sorry, I just don’t want to leave you anymore. It just feels so good to hold you! But I guess I should probably go. So I’ll see you later.” So yeah finally he left. Needless to say I didn’t answer the phone when he called me the next day.
So his sister was furious at him and told me that he says mean things like that all the time, so right then I decided I never wanted to see him again. Then later his sister was mad at me because she had talked to him and said that I had misinterpreted some of the things he had said about me. Um, please tell me how that could POSSIBLY be misinterpreted! So yeah she was mad that I didn't want to date him anymore. Wow, how does that make sense? So anyway, long story short, he called me, left me a message saying he’d talked to his sister and “apparently he freaked me out about some stuff.” So I called him back, and he asked if he could explain anything and I said, “No, you don’t have to explain anything. I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking and I’ve decided to go in a different direction.” He told me he didn’t blame me at all and we told each other to have a good day.
So yeah, that was the end of that. It really hurt my feelings for a few days but now I can’t even believe that actually happened. It’s pretty funny that someone would actually do that. After he proposed to me he kept telling me I was fat and ugly. Such a delight, that boy. Totally joking by the way. If I never talk to that kid again it’ll be too soon haha.

Anywho, that was it. Here's an update on Steven's life right now. He went on a blind date with someone, a month and a half later they were married. Yeah, I guess he found someone who was just as desperate as he was haha. I guess that's a mean thing to say, but I do feel sorry for whomever he ended up with. I wouldn't want to be married to that kid. Anywho, have a great week everyone! :) Christmas is almost here, so Merry Christmas! WOOT WOOT!

Monday, November 30, 2009

Graduation is Around the Corner!

Woot woot! Graduation is practically here! December 12th, baby! My wonderful Aunt Kaye made these announcements and I think they're pretty awesome. There's a pink one and a blue one too, but I like these black ones the best. Anyway, it looks like I only have 12 more days until I graduate. It's going to be fantastic but I'll be sad at the same time. I really liked college, and I'll really miss taking English classes and talking about all that English stuff. *sigh* It can't go on forever though, right? It had to end sometime. At least I ended on an easy semester rather than a hard one.

Well I actually finished my final draft of my final paper about half an hour ago. Woohoo! I think I can honestly say that I won't miss writing tons of papers all the times. Not research papers anyway. It'll also be nice to have my Family Finance class over with and my Natural Disasters class. Now the only thing I have left to do is turn in my paper on Friday and take my finals next week. I'm looking for good books to read and stuff to do. Right now I'm reading My Name is Asher Lev (which is a fantastic book by the way) and working on my quilt project. But that will be done pretty soon haha. I'm also watching the 4th season of House because my roommate bought it this weekend. So yeah, I'm just looking for options on what to do. So if you have any ideas let me know. :)

Well I'm pretty excited for the Christmas holidays. I love everything about Christmas, and I'm most excited about spending a lot of time with my family. I was going to have to work the 21-23 of Christmas break but I knew I would get really homesick and stuff so I got someone else to take those shifts for me. Last year when I was up here by myself it was really hard and really depressing. When it's Christmastime, all you want to do is be with your family. So I was glad I got those shifts taken care of. I do have to work the 15th and the 16th the first week of the break, but it's only for two days and my roommate will be up there for those two days as well. So I shouldn't be too lonely up there, and I'll be working 8 or 9 hours a day. Life is great!

Well I only have like 5 minutes left of work so I have to go. I'll talk to you all later! Have a great week everyone! I love you all!