Tuesday, June 3, 2008

My Silly Little Brother

Alright, the picture above is something that you may be wondering about. What is it? Is it a primitive form of a slingshot? Is it a restraint for your jaw so it doesn't have to work so hard? Is it just a decorative piece for your house? No, my friends. It is, in fact, Josh's wonderful creation:

A fart machine.

He brought this lovely specimen into my room one night a few weeks ago. He said that on the internet he had learned how to make one of these and it was guaranteed to make a noise that sounded like you were farting. Well of course me, being the skeptic that I am with such things (I have always been a firm believer that the real fart is really the only thing that sounds even remotely close to itself) I asked him to demonstrate how it works. So, he wound up the washer on the rubber bands pretty tight, but not so tight that it would break. Then he sat on the bed with the fart machine underneath, lifted his bottom, and lo and behold the farting sound broke forth!!! It was amazing, and brought a tear to my eye. Never had a fake sound of a fart sounded so real! It was truly a magical moment.
So, Josh of course was very proud, and we laughed about it for quite some time. He explained to me that since he is in 6th grade and he is never going to see most of his classmates or his teachers ever again he was going to use it on his last day of school. But we tried the fart machine on a hard surface and it sounds terrible, so I told him that his seats were hard and that it would sound terrible. He smiled and responded, "Oh, I've already got that problem figured out. I'll just bring a hoodie and then I'll sit on it and that'll make the sound. I've done it before, so it'll still work." Haha oh man that was funny. I was surprised he'd done it before.
So he decided to make a lot and try to sell them at school. He was telling me his selling tactic, explaining that once he demonstrated how the device worked they'd be selling like hot cakes! He said he'd set up an area on the playground where he would sit down and people would line up to buy one. They'd ask, "Well how does it work?" He'd smile and respond, "Well, friend, I'm glad you asked!" Then he would shift his weight, lift a leg, and let 'er rip! Then he'd say, "How many can I set you up for today?" Oh baby oh baby, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.
So he came home from school that day and I asked him how business was going. He said it was good, he'd sold a couple and made a couple of bucks, but he'd spent most of recess sitting on the curb asking people to pull his finger. He said that random people would come up to him and he'd say, "Hey, pull my finger." Then they'd pull his finger and he'd let the fart machine work its magic. Then I said, "Well Josh, after you made the fart noise you showed them it was fake, right?" He said, "No, I just let them walk off and think that it was real." Oh man, that was hilarious!
Well, Josh still uses the fart machine every once in a while, but the big hype was just before school got out. If you want instructions on how to make one, you can look it up online or I'll tell Josh and he can sent you instructions haha. Josh let me tell this story on one condition: that I tell you he was obsessed with farts. I didn't think it was necessary to say that, but he insisted. Anywho, my family and I have been laughing about this ever since it happened. My dad was even crying with laughter. If only you guys could have been there to witness the magic, your lives would never be the same. Anywho, I'll write more later. I'm still looking for a job if anyone knows a job that's available. Sorry it took me so long to write again, but I've been helping my mom a lot. Anywho, hope you all have a great day and had a good laugh!


CaLM RAPIDS said...

I'm expecting things to get a little juicy when y'all move down here. :) We'll just put Josh and Jace in a room and close the door.

Katie said...

Heheheh, you gotta love siblings! We miss you!

mockingbirdjc@yahoo.com said...

Well, I'm at work in my office, crying because I'm laughing so hard! If you don't mind (I'll assume you don't mind!) I'm going to spread the fun and cut and paste this story along with the picture to my office! You are so funny!