Thursday, December 3, 2009

I'm Pretty Sure I Haven't Posted This Yet...

Well today at work, Kassidee, Megan and I were talking about dating and how scary it is and whatnot. So then I started talking about the weird/horrifying/hilarious dating experience I had about 2 years ago with a guy named Steven. This is the journal entry that I wrote the day after it happened, plus I've added a few details that I forgot to add when I originally wrote it. It was pretty traumatic at first so I was mostly concerned with getting the basic story down. So this is for all of you guys who haven't heard the story before. Mostly Megan. ;) Enjoy!

Okay, so in October my friend Kat wanted to hook me up with her brother Steven. He’d just barely gotten off his mission and he hadn’t been on a date since then which should have been a big indicator that I shouldn’t go out with him but eh, oh well. At least I’ll know in the future right? So she said she was trying to set it up so I would have a date with him Thursday and he’d go out with 2 other girls on Friday and Saturday. So I told her I would (more as a favor to her) and that she’d have to pick me up at my friend Kristal’s apartment at Old Farm because we were going to watch The Office that night. So she agreed and I told her that we would just go out for ice cream that night. That way if I thought the date was terrible it was alright because I would only be with him for half an hour. If it went well then…great!
So Thursday night rolled around and I was really nervous because I’d never been on a blind date before. After class the day Kat and I talked she introduced me to him really fast (he was outside our classroom) and I thought he looked kinda funny, like his eyes looked like they were sort of bugging out. Anywho, so I was at Kristal’s house then he came and picked me up and we drove to Casey’s ice cream place with Kat and her husband. So we talked and he was funny and I actually really liked him. So we had fun and made jokes, then we left the ice cream place and he walked me up to my room. I gave him a hug goodbye and then he asked if he could call me again, I said yes, and he left.
So yeah it was another 2 weeks after that before he actually called me. We talked for about an hour and he kept saying, “This is so weird! We’re talking like we’ve known each other forever and we’ve only seen each other for like half an hour! It usually takes years before I talk to someone like I’m talking to you.” So yeah we had fun and I kinda started to like him. So then probably 3 weeks went by and then he asked me on another date. It was the same week that we had to live in Richard’s hall because the boiler room in our building blew up. So he picked me up and we watched Ratatouille at his house. And then we talked for a long time. He kept telling me to ask him questions about his mission. So I asked him a question and he answered it and he had some really cool stories. So after he answered one I said, “So are we going to play a game like I ask you a question and you ask me a question?” He said, “No, I just really want to talk about my mission.” So yeah, that was kind of weird. He just wanted to talk about himself and wasn’t interested in learning more about me……yeah should have been a sign of some sort.
So basically I was over there until about 5:30 in the morning. Talking about him. And his mission. Yeah, we talked for a long time. Then I had class at 7:30 and that was sure fun. Anywho, so I thought we had a big connection and I got all excited and thought it might lead up to be something more than just a friendship. But yet again it took him about 2 weeks to talk to me again so that was really frustrating. But when he finally did call me I was a little sick but I really wanted to go out with him again so I said yes. He wanted to take me to Walmart to go buy some ingredients and then he wanted to take me to his apartment and make me dessert. So he picked me up and I got in his car and after a minute or 2 he said, “So I bet you've been wondering why I haven't been calling you for the past few weeks. Well I want to tell you something but I don’t know how to tell you.” I was thinking he was probably going to tell me that he liked me or something, which I would have been fine with and kind of excited about. So I said, “Well just try, go ahead and tell me what you want to tell me.” So he took a deep breath and said, “Ok. Well, I’ve been praying about us ever since our second date. Normally when I pray about girls that I like I get a straight out answer like, ‘No she’s not the right one for you,’ or whatever the answer is. But when I prayed about you and me, I didn’t get that kind of an answer. I think we should just give this a shot. Actually, I think that we belong together, and I think that the Lord really wants us together. We just get along so well together and we have so much fun together. I’ve fallen for some really shallow girls and you have a great personality. So after praying about it and stuff, I think we should give this a shot. That’s why I’ve waited so long to call you because I was afraid with the answer and how you would react. What do you think about it?”
Well, I was pretty much sick to my stomach. He basically proposed to me. It would’ve been ok if he just liked me, but after all that I was just like….well I started NOT liking him right then and there. So I said, “Well, I do like you but I think we need to take this REALLY slow. I’m a really slow person when it comes to relationships and we need to get to know each other better and stuff before we make that decision.” He’s like, “Yeah, I agree.” Then he told me he had to drop something off at a friend’s house. On our way over there he kept going… “You know, I think we were probably best friends in the pre-existence. No actually let me change that. I’m completely positive that we’re soul mates. I think that matchmaking angels have been all around us and have finally brought us together. I can just feel that we belong together.” Um okay, I was about ready to throw up at this point. So he kept saying stuff like that the whole time we were on our way to Walmart. It was crappy! So then we get to Walmart and I kept my hands in my pockets the whole time. The last thing I needed was someone I didn’t like that much trying to grab my hand. So we bought some ice cream and some stuff he needed to make apple crisp.
Then we drove back to his apartment. I was like thinking I must be dreaming. It sounded like something from the Singlesward, like when that guy Deverl tells that girl with the headgear “I think we met in the pre-existence.” I couldn’t believe this was actually happening to me! It made me sick.
So we get to his apartment and he just kept saying the same things that he was so surprised I wasn’t running away (ha ha ha…) and that he just feels like we get along so well. Then he started talking about his first impressions of me and girls he’d liked in the past. It was a long, long hour I was over there. He said, “I usually fall for the drop-dead gorgeous girls and you’re totally not even like that so this is so weird that I like you. You’ve really taught me that personality is a lot more important than good looks. I mean, I remember the first time I saw you, right when my sister first introduced us after your English class. I took one look at you and I thought, ‘Well, she doesn’t really look like the type of girl that I would be interested in but I guess I’ll give her a shot.’” Yeah he kept going on with stuff like that for a while. It was really fun to listen to. Comments like that will really boost your self-esteem.
So as you can imagine I wanted to get out of their pretty fast. He wasn’t really trying to hurt my feelings but that’s what he was doing. So anyway, I was glad when the buzzer finally went off telling us that the apple crisp was done. So then Steven got out the ice cream box and he had a hard time opening it. So I made a joke and said, “Oh we’ll just eat the box with the ice cream, it’s no big deal.” Then he said, “Well, I guess it would be a good source of fiber.” I was like, “Yeah…” Then said, “You know, on my mission I put fiber sure in my food every day. I used to be able to hold my stomach in my hands because my stomach kinda flopped of (um, sick!). But after having fiber sure every day I guess it got all of the junk out of my intestines and I lost a lot of inches. I went down about 3 belt loops. You know, you should use fiber sure every day, then you wouldn’t be as fat.” OH MY HECK! So I said, “Well I’m not THAT bad.” He said, “Well you could still lose a lot of weight. You should totally start using fiber sure.” Wow. Believe it or not, it got worse!
Well then he started dishing out the apple crisp and thankfully I just started eating. He just kept talking and saying stuff like that over and over, telling me again and again that I had really taught him that personality is much more important than looks. That didn't stop him from making a few suggestions on how to improve my supposed ugliness. "You know," he said, "you should really try to do your hair curly every once in a while. I'm sick of seeing it straight all the time, it needs to change. Also I think your hair color is a little too dark, so you might want to change that too." I told him that I did my hair curly sometimes but the times he'd seen me my hair had been straight. Then he said, "You know, you should really try to wear contacts instead of your glasses." I told him that I wore contacts during the day but my eyes couldn't stand wearing them at night. Since we only ever hung out at night that's why I was always wearing my glasses. So he said, "Well take your glasses off for a minute so I can see what you look like without them." So I took them off and he said, "Hmm...maybe not." So I'm sitting there, facing this sliding glass door, and I'm looking at myself feeling like the fattest, ugliest person in the world! It was terrible! I wanted to get out of there!!!
So then he started talking about my family. “I really want to meet your family,” he said. I was like, “Why?” He said, “Well honestly I really just want to meet your mom. I want to watch how she mothers your siblings. They say that daughters usually have the some mothering style as their mothers, so I want to watch her to see how you would mother our children if we got married.” Whoa, that was extremely creepy. Then he said, “Now I know your family is moving to Texas ‘cause you told me that a while ago. So after we got married, we’d have to move to Iowa ‘cause I got a job offer there when I was on my mission for $60,000 a year without a degree. So if I get a degree I’ll get more money. So with that money I’d make sure we had about a $20,000 a year to devote to traveling so that you could fly down to Texas a few times a year to see your family. But we would have to move to Iowa for my job.” Okay, so how he’s planning out our budget after we’re married? This was getting way too creepy. So I told him I wasn’t feeling good and asked if he could take me home.
So he drove me home, and we talked in front of my door for a while. Then I told him I should probably go inside and go to bed, so he said “ok” and gave me a hug. So I hugged him for a while and then I let go. You know how you can tell when the person you’re hugging is trying to let go? Yeah, I guess he doesn’t have that ability because he kept hugging me for like 10 seconds after I had COMPLETELY let go. I had to sort of push him away. Then I was like, “Ok, see you later.” Then he hugged me again and basically the same thing happened again. After he FINALLY let go, he’s like, “Sorry, I just don’t want to leave you anymore. It just feels so good to hold you! But I guess I should probably go. So I’ll see you later.” So yeah finally he left. Needless to say I didn’t answer the phone when he called me the next day.
So his sister was furious at him and told me that he says mean things like that all the time, so right then I decided I never wanted to see him again. Then later his sister was mad at me because she had talked to him and said that I had misinterpreted some of the things he had said about me. Um, please tell me how that could POSSIBLY be misinterpreted! So yeah she was mad that I didn't want to date him anymore. Wow, how does that make sense? So anyway, long story short, he called me, left me a message saying he’d talked to his sister and “apparently he freaked me out about some stuff.” So I called him back, and he asked if he could explain anything and I said, “No, you don’t have to explain anything. I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking and I’ve decided to go in a different direction.” He told me he didn’t blame me at all and we told each other to have a good day.
So yeah, that was the end of that. It really hurt my feelings for a few days but now I can’t even believe that actually happened. It’s pretty funny that someone would actually do that. After he proposed to me he kept telling me I was fat and ugly. Such a delight, that boy. Totally joking by the way. If I never talk to that kid again it’ll be too soon haha.

Anywho, that was it. Here's an update on Steven's life right now. He went on a blind date with someone, a month and a half later they were married. Yeah, I guess he found someone who was just as desperate as he was haha. I guess that's a mean thing to say, but I do feel sorry for whomever he ended up with. I wouldn't want to be married to that kid. Anywho, have a great week everyone! :) Christmas is almost here, so Merry Christmas! WOOT WOOT!

6 comments:

gilmorethewriter said...

This was the funniest worst story ever -- still haunting you huh? I can understand why.

heidikins said...

Holy Swear Words!! I want to track this guy down and break his kneecaps for treating you (or any woman) that way! What a douche-pickle!

Ugh, he makes me physically ill. Blech.

I'm sure this will be funny at some point (to me), but right now I just want to punch his face off.

Also...your family is moving to Texas? When?

xox

Megan said...

OH. My. Word. I'm so glad that I finally got all of the details to that story...experience...whatever you would call it. Any guy that is that self righteous and rude should probably go see someone for his problem. Heaven help his wife...

CaLM RAPIDS said...

!!!!!
Wow! Some people really need to listen to themselves! That's awful! What an idiot! You are SO MUCH better off without him! We Cottrells are NEVER that desperate!

pinksuedeshoe said...

I totally read this story to my hubby. And we agree.... the most awful (and tragically terrible) thing I've ever heard... Love you, hate him!

Warren and Kelsey Fairbanks said...

OH my GOSH! I know you posted this a long time ago, but I'm just now reading it, and I literally laughed out loud. Not because of what this Steven character was saying, but just the fact that he was actually saying those things. Who does that?! Ya know what would have been funny... if you had actually thrown up on him or something. I kept waiting for that to come around. That date goes on my list of worst dates ever, and I wasn't even there!